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Observing

If you think that the child may be feeling insecure in relationship to to you, you can use this checklist to ascertain if that is true and, if so, identify the child’s dominant way of relating to you. Check all the behaviours or characteristics that you have observed on more than a few occasions.  You can do so right here or you can download a file to print or complete on your screen.

Rejecting / Avoidant
Quiet, withdrawn demeanour.
Relies on knowledge more than feelings.
Acts self-reliant even if unskilled.
Seems more independent than most peers.
Reluctant to ask for help from adults.
Denies feeling distress.
Has limited use of language.
Tries to take care of adults.
Looks settled, even happy.
Has sudden, brief tantrums when stressed.
Isolated from peers and adults.
Avoids close relationships.
Prefers activities over relationhips.
Focuses on shortcomings and failures.
Uncomfortable celebrating achievements.
Acts with indifference to new situations.
Struggles to enjoy creativity or imagination.
Under-achieving.
Anxious / Ambivalent
Attention-seeking.
Watchful of others.
More dependent than most peers.
Focused on feelings; ignores facts.
Talks excessively.
Easily distracted, has difficulty focusing.
Has trouble settling by themselves.
Struggles with cooperating in group situations.
Has difficulty following rules.
Does not learn from consequences.
Over-sensitive to signs of rejection.
Views others as all-good or all-bad.
Shifts back and forth on views of others.
Finds it hard to maintain friendships.
Acts clingy with adults.
Possessive of peers.
Poor understanding of cause and effect.
Struggles to take responsibility for actions.
Reactive / Disorganized
Inattentive.
Socially isolated.
Controlling of others.
Has a diminished range of emotions.
Disruptive in group situations.
Shows poor stress tolerance.
Acts like they know everything already.
Swings between being withdrawn and loud.
Has compulsive behaviours.
Overwhelmed by strong feelings.
Acts aggressively when feeling anxious.
Acts coy when challenged by others.
Constantly scanning the environment.
Has difficulty managing emotions.
Struggles to understand others’ emotions.
Has difficulty in unsupervised settings.
Struggles with learning.
Easily humiliated.

Here is the same checklist:

Quality Time
Source:

The material presented here was inspired by and adapted from

a school-specific publication: 

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