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Researchers have categorized three relationship styles that children with insecure attachment histories may adopt as they encounter new relationships and experiences and seek to protect themselves from any possible harm.

 

These are approaches that all children may utilize at times. It is also true that the same child may have a range of strategies, depending on the circumstances. These slides describe three general patterns, as observed over multiple encounters using categories identified by various researchers. All three patterns are rooted in feelings of high anxiety about the availability of support. 

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Insecure Attachment

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Child on Smartphone

Avoidant / Rejecting

Some children tend to avoid relationships and reject those who attempt to connect with them in order to manage their anxiety around relationships. A child with this approach typically feels unwanted and uncertain about the availability of acceptance and support from others.

 

This child is caught in a bind. They feel like they cannot approach another person due to the prospect of rejection, but they also cannot completely withdraw because isolation is so painful. 

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All this creates tremendous frustration, and children in this scenario tend to carry underlying anger that can flare up unexpectedly.

 

Adults would tend to call such children “withdrawn,” “distant,” or ''no trouble'' as the child will tend to focus on other things in order to avoid relating to the adult. This child will often deny any need for support. Adults can take this rejection personally, thereby creating distance in the relationship and impeding mutual trust. 

Here is a video that provides a case study to illustrate attachment theory:

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